Category: Life

I’ve been participating in Erika and Shay‘s monthly “Let’s Look” posts and this month’s topic was sharing how we can make sure we’re encouraging racial equality at home. I’m excited that they chose to adjust the prompt based on current events, and use this as a chance to share some of the things on my heart.

Last week started a long journey of really taking the time to listen to the voices of others, reflect on my own implicit biases, privileges, and underlying racism, and apply what I’ve learned in my own life and beyond. I realized that it is not enough to be “not racist,” but I need to actively work to be anti-racist. And I am ashamed to say that I was not previously doing this well. This past week was a much needed wake-up call and I can honestly say that it was transformative for me. I know I’m not going to do this perfectly, and I’m probably going to say or do the wrong thing some times, but I am committed to working through the discomfort because this is too important.

Fix It: Starting with Myself

I have been sharing a lot of posts and videos that I have found to be valuable, eye-opening, and challenging on my Instagram stories. I created a highlight bubble titled “BLM” (let’s be clear: that stands for Black Lives Matter, because they absolutely DO matter) that you can click on and see everything I shared there, but if you’re not on Instagram, here are a few videos in particular that made a huge impact on me over the past week:

I believe it is extremely important to specifically seek out and listen to Black voices right now, but this video was powerful too and really made me hold up a mirror to myself.

It can be overwhelming and difficult to know what to do and where to start with all the information out there right now. This article, 75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice, gives a lot of great suggestions and is a helpful place to begin. Following accounts like @theconsciouskid (parenting and education through a critical race lens) and racial justice educators like @austinchanning and @rachel.cargle has provided me with a lot of insight, perspective, and additional resources and I am learning so much.

And speaking of social media, I realized in looking at my feed that the VAST majority of content creators I followed were white. I saw someone someone say something like “when you are the one constantly elevated, you have no idea what the view from the other side looks like” – I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t even really notice the lack of representation in what I consumed and that in itself is very telling of my privilege. I didn’t want to follow a ton of random people just for the sake of a diverse feed (plus it doesn’t help accounts to have followers who don’t interact with them), but I intentionally sought out accounts that I enjoy and want to see content from. I love following home design accounts and have started following people like @prettyrealblog, @carmeon.hamilton, @joystreetdesign, @sgardnerstyle, @grillodesigns, @homemadebycarmona, and @dwellbycheryl – not just because they are Black but because I love their style! I also appreciate the financial wisdom I’ve gained from @thebudgetnista, the encouragement given by @seekwisdompcw, the beautiful and inspirational graphics produced by @ohhappydani, and the powerful videos created by @themanacho. Diversifying my feed has been such a simple, yet powerful change to make and I’m never going back.

It’s no secret around here that I love to read, so books are another place I am focusing my energy. Back in February, I read I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness and it was just announced as the next pick for Reese’s Book Club! If you haven’t read this book yet, I highly highly recommend it. It was such a powerful, challenging memoir. I have maxed out my holds on the library wait list with titles that include White Fragility: Why it’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism, Stamped from the Beginning, and Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption. I have joined a book club group for How to Be An Anti-Racist and I’m excited for the challenge and learning that I’m sure will come from those discussions. In addition, I’m making a conscious effort to also seek out Black authors when I read fiction.

Address It: Teaching my Kids

Justin and I have had several conversations over the past week about racism, our biases and privileges, and how we can work to be better as anti-racist individuals and as parents. We want our kids to empathize with and stand up for others. We want them to work for equality and call out injustice. We want to raise our kids to appreciate diversity, to listen to the perspectives of others, and to work towards making this world a better, more equal place for everyone. And that all starts in our home.

I did an inventory of LJ’s library and found that while we do have several books that include children from multiple races and ethnicities, we only have one book that has a non-white protagonist (The Snowy Day). This definitely needs to change. I’m in the process of choosing and ordering books with BIPOC protagonists and BIPOC authors to diversify his library (and I’m trying to buy them from BIPOC-owned bookstores). Same with the toys they play with – while we don’t have very many, I realized that of all the dolls or “people” toys we do have, they are almost exclusively white. We have only one black person that came in a set for LJ’s train table. I realized I have never been intentional about only getting “people” toys that look like my kids, but I also haven’t been intentional about seeking people toys that do not look like my kids. I’m going to be very intentional about diversifying their toys going forward. Same goes with our TV shows and movies – representation matters!

We live near a fairly diverse mid-sized city, but our actual home is in the surrounding country and the area is predominately white. Regardless, I am committed to making sure my children see and appreciate diversity around them. This means attending downtown events and activities where there will be many BIPOC people present, it means choosing parks and playgrounds in diverse areas, it means grocery shopping and going to library story time where I know there will be people who don’t look like us.  It takes a little more effort, but it is absolutely worth it.

I read the following analogy this week and it really stuck with me. I unfortunately can’t find where I discovered it, but it was something along the lines of: When we teach kids how to cross the street, we don’t just say “Be Safe!” and hope they know what to do. We specifically tell them exactly what they need to do: stop on the sidewalk, look both ways, hold an adult’s hand, wait for the signal, stay in the crosswalk, etc. We are repetitive and specific. The same needs to go with teaching anti-racism. We can’t just say “Be Nice!” and expect that to be enough for our kids to be anti-racist. We need to be specific and help teach our kids the types of racist behavior they may witness in the world that are not okay and that they should not condone or repeat. We need to be specific about ways for them to be an anti-racist ally and stand up for others, and those conversations can start now. Again, @theconsciouskid has been a great resource for me in this area.

Change It

My next steps look beyond our home. I cannot do everything, but I can do some things and I want to do them well. Voting. Supporting black-owned businesses. Donating to causes that align with my values and seek to make positive change in this world. Volunteering my time and resources. Continuing to have the tough conversations with my family and friends. Speaking out when I see injustice or racism.

I know there are so so many more things I can do, but I also know this journey to be anti-racist is a marathon, not a sprint. These are areas where I’m starting, not finishing.

If you have additional resources that you have found helpful, I would love to hear about them!

It’s been five full weeks.

Five weeks ago, we were supposed to be leaving for a trip to New Orleans. Justin had a conference and we were going to turn it into a little work + vacation getaway. I had been looking forward to it for months. But in the week before, things started to rapidly change. Talk of the coronavirus became more and more prevalent – it seemed like the only thing the news was covering. There was so much uncertainty, so much confusion about what this all would mean. I certainly didn’t know what to think about everything, but I could feel a rising sense of anxiety. It seemed like the entire country was collectively watching and holding our breaths, waiting to see what happened. Then over the course of a few days, everything started to stop.  Events got cancelled, destinations closed down. Tom Hanks had a confirmed case. March Madness was moved to a fan-free event, then cancelled altogether. I’ll never forget watching ESPN when they ran the headline “The Day the Sports World Stopped.” It was just so surreal. Needless to say,  Justin’s conference got moved to virtual presentations, out trip got cancelled, and life changed dramatically. Not only did we not go on vacation, but the era of social distancing began and I’ve barely left my house since.

35 days.

It’s been 35 days since we’ve had anyone else inside our house. 35 days without our usual routine. No library. No weekly cycling class. No church services, no play dates, no date nights, no babysitters, no events, no get-togethers with friends, no family gatherings. The past 35 days have felt a little like a bizarre alternate universe. Like it can’t really be happening, and yet, it is.

Since I am a stay-at-home mom, it might seem like my life wouldn’t be that different these days, but it still is. Before the virus, we would typically leave the house at least once a day. It was rare to have a day fully at home and rarer still to have two in a row. It has been a huge adjustment to lose all our activities and have to entertain ourselves at home every day. Same toys, same house, same people – monotonous and relentless. And now I am “on” 24/7. LJ is 2.5 years old and Vi is 8 months. They are both in pretty needy stages of life and demand a lot of my attention. I miss the mental breaks I had while driving in the car or going to story time where activities to entertain my kid were already planned and we just needed to show up. I miss the gatherings for play dates and small groups where I could gain fulfillment in talking with other adults and LJ had socialization with other kids instead of relying on me for all his interactions.  Justin works in healthcare and has actually picked up some shifts where they are short staffed, so this means less help for me at home. No babysitters, no grandparents, and less time with my husband home. I have felt exhausted. Overwhelmed. Discouraged. Isolated.

I’ve read many articles and listened to a few podcasts and one thing keeps coming up: the feeling that you’re feeling is grief. This deeply resonated with me. I feel like we are all grieving something right now. Big or small, everyone has lost something. People are grieving the loss of jobs. The loss of vacations. Athletes are grieving the loss of the seasons and tournaments they have worked so hard for. Seniors are grieving the loss of proms, graduations, and the time of their lives that is supposed to be a hopeful celebration. Couples are grieving weddings and honeymoons. Pregnant women are grieving the experiences they hoped they’d have: partners at the appointments, baby showers, gender reveals, family at the hospital, visits after the birth. Families are grieving the lost get together for Easter, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. People are grieving things that they have planned for and dreamed about for years. We are all hurting. We are all grieving the life we thought we would be living these past 35 days.

I know there is much to be grateful about. I do not take for granted the fact that my family has remained healthy so far. I am incredibly thankful for a safe place to stay at home, for the resources we have (reliable internet and utilities, enough food and supplies, etc) and for continued income from Justin’s job. My heart goes out to all who are hurting, whether from a loss of a loved one to the virus, loss of a job, or loss of stability in another way.

Another resounding message I’ve seen is this: you are allowed to be sad. While my losses may seem small in comparison to others, they were still loss. I think it’s possible, even necessary, to recognize the ways in which you are lucky while simultaneously acknowledging the ways in which you’re hurting. It’s okay to be disappointed. You can grieve and be grateful at the same time. It’s okay to just feel your feelings. It’s okay to not be okay.

It’s also okay to try to find the silver linings. I’ve seen an image re-posted many times that says “Staying positive doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time. It means that even on hard days you know there are better ones coming.” And there have been positives to this time at home. I have loved seeing all the stories shared on social media of drive by birthday parades and people clapping for essential workers. We get to see kindness spreading in the form of donations, handmade signs, homemade masks, and hundreds of other ways, both big and small. There is a global sense of “we’re in this together” that I’ve never seen before and it’s amazing and so encouraging.

There are also positives in my own life. I have had some really special moments at home with the kids that we might not have had if we were filling our days with activities. Vi is sleeping better than ever because our daytime schedule is so consistent. We’ve had the opportunity to slow down and focus on simple family time. Without other plans, Justin and LJ spend hours outside on the weekends and it’s been so awesome to see their bond deepen.  Spending a peaceful evening watching them fish together while Vi and I rock on the porch swing will remain one of my fondest memories of this time at home. Vi started crawling and Justin and I were both home to get to witness it the first time. We’ve been able to use technology to stay connected to friends and family, and I would even say it’s brought us closer in some relationships because there is so much more intentional conversation.

When I thought about what I wanted to write today, I decided I just wanted to get my thoughts and feelings out there. I felt like it was important to document this time in history and I consider this post to be like a diary entry – a snapshot into how I’m feeling right now and a look at what this time has been like. The past 35 days have been surreal to say the least. I’m trying to stay positive, but allowing myself to feel sad when I need to. Some days feel almost normal. Some days feel hopeless and I want to cry. Our state’s stay-at-home order was supposed to end today but has been extended until May 1. We’re not sure when things will return to normal (or whatever our new normal will be).

I’m not sure what the next 35 days will hold, but I’m just trying to take things one day at a time. ❤

Good morning! I’m linking up with Shay and Erika for the second time this month for their Let’s Look series. Past topics this year include a look into my bedside table, my winter wardrobe, and how I “do” Easter. Today’s topic is a look inside your purse!

This was supposed to be the topic in March but they pushed it back due to how crazy life was in the beginning of COVID 19 in the US. Can you believe it’s been an entire month since this all started? It feels both shorter and much, much longer at the same time. I’m only leaving the house for groceries these days, and I’m not taking my kids along, so it does feel kind of weird to talk about what I carry in my purse since I don’t really use my purse or my diaper bag at all right now. Hopefully soon I’ll be able to once again!

So I very very rarely even use a purse. Ever since LJ was born, I’ve made a conscious effort to simplify what I carry around when I leave the house. I don’t want to be schlepping a diaper bag on one arm, a purse in another, and try to loop an infant car seat in the crook of my elbow. It’s just too much stuff!

For the last 2.5 years, I’ve used my backpack diaper bag as my purse. I have blogged several times about what I carry in my diaper bag through the various stages of motherhood (newborn, infant, toddler, 2 under 2) and one thing has always remained the same: I keep the front pocket of my diaper bag reserved for only my stuff. I keep it super streamlined with the things I am most likely going to need when we’re out of the house.  As of today, the following things are in that front pocket:

I obviously always take my wallet in the main compartment of the diaper bag. Other than that, my most reached-for items are my extra hair tie or a snack (usually a granola bar). I also usually have a pen, tylenol, gum, headphones, hand sanitizer, and something for my lips. That’s it!

Sometimes, I do actually get to leave the house without my kids. (Whoohoo!) On those occasions, I do one of two things. If I’m just running out to do errands or go to a coffee shop or my spin class or something like that, I’ll just take my wallet. I love having a wristlet because it’s super easy to carry around just by itself. I always make sure mine has plenty of storage and love this one from Target.

If I’m going out for a girls night with friends or a date night with Justin, I like to take along a slightly bigger clutch. I love the one pictured below – it’s neutral enough to go with everything and it’s big enough to hold my wallet, phone, and something for my lips (it’s always one of the three pictured!) but small enough to use as a wristlet if I want.

I wasn’t always this minimal in what I carry around. I used to take everything from a mini first aid kit to tweezers, a nail file, lotion, even a mini notebook in my purse. But the fact is, for 99% of occasions, I do not need that stuff. I can go without them for a few hours when I’m out and about. And it makes things so much simpler to not be digging around in a cluttered purse to try to find something while my baby is fussing and my toddler is running around. Keeping my purse simplified makes life so much easier!

What are your must-haves to carry around when you leave the house?

Easter 2020 was certainly not like any other year, but it was definitely one I’ll remember for years to come!

We kicked off our festivities on Saturday with cookie decorating during Vi’s naptime. My friend has her own cookie business and she created DIY cookie decorating kits available for people to do in their homes.

LJ loved this activity (especially the frosting) and we had a great time decorating.

He was so proud of his cookies!

Next up, egg dying. Surprisingly, not as messy as I anticipated with a toddler haha!

We also did an egg hunt in our yard. LJ had SO much fun running around collecting eggs and it was hilarious to see which ones he found right away and which ones seemed obvious but escaped his notice for a long time.

Sunday morning I made us a pancake breakfast and LJ and I read through the Easter story and colored his Sunday School Easter packet together before our family sat down to stream our church service online.

I’m not going to sugarcoat things: Easter Sunday wasn’t some perfect, magical day. LJ woke up at 5:00 am (he usually sleeps until 7:30). Both he and Violet were pretty distracting during the church service, plus we were all tired from our early morning wake-ups. Quite frankly, both Justin and I are functioning at a different level these days. Our baselines levels of stress, anxiety, and frustration are higher thanks to all that COVID-19 has brought. I think when this whole thing started, we were relatively optimistic about everything, but as the weeks have gone on, it has taken its toll. This weekend we both felt like we were running on empty and we both struggled with impatience this morning.

Thankfully, after playing a game with my siblings and parents over Zoom, both our kids napped at the same time so Justin and I were able to rest and nap as well.

Our whole family felt refreshed after our naps, and the second half our our day was so much smoother. We got to dress Vi up in her Easter dress so I could take a picture (she’s growing so fast, it’s a real possibility that she’ll outgrow these clothes before she gets a chance to wear them!)

We got to do a family Zoom with my siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents since we weren’t able to all get together for Easter dinner and it was so nice to see everyone.

LJ has recently become really interested in fishing so he and Justin spent some time out by the pond. LJ was so excited to get to reel in the line on daddy’s fishing pole – melt my heart! Vi and I watched them while rocking on our porch swing and it was the kind of peaceful family evening that I cherish. Honestly, these sweet moments of quiet togetherness were probably my favorite of the entire day.

Afterwards, we came inside and Justin re-hid a few of LJ’s Easter eggs in the house so he got to do another little hunt before winding down for bed. As I reflected back on the weekend, I realized that even though it wasn’t a perfect weekend on paper, we got to spend time as a family, celebrate and worship together, have fun starting little traditions, and enjoy quiet moments of peace. Pretty perfect after all.

I know these days are uncertain, but I’m so thankful for Easter and the hope that I have in Jesus. ❤ I hope you were all able to find some joy and peace this weekend too!