pregnancy – simplify the chaos

Vi’s Birth Story

This blog post contains some watermarked, professionally taken photos. Special thanks to Natalie Joy Photography for beautiful pictures that we will cherish forever!

Hello friends!

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged but suffice to say it’s been a bit busy around here as we adjust to being a family of FOUR. Today I finally had some time to sit down and catch up a bit so I thought I’d write a recap of August 23, 2019 – the day we met our daughter.

Meet my sweet Vi.

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The morning of the 23rd was pretty surreal. Because we had a planned c-section scheduled, we woke up knowing it was going to be our child’s birthday. We heard LJ wake up and Justin went to get him from his crib and brought him back to our bed. We snuggled together as a little family of three and I tried to soak up every minute, knowing soon our little family was going to change forever. It was a little bittersweet but oh so special and I’m so glad we started the day out just the three of us. ❤

We spent the rest of the morning nice and slow. Justin’s parents and sister had come into town the night before so they could be with LJ while we were in the hospital so we all hung out together. Justin and I danced around and played goofy songs with the word “baby” in them. I was able to get one last Expecting and Empowered workout completed, which was the perfect way to feel capable and strong going into surgery!

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Finally, it was go time. We said goodbye to LJ and took a final picture as a family of three and then Justin and I headed in to the hospital.
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This time was so different than LJ’s birth. With him, I labored 25 hours before having a c-section. Because this time it was planned, we arrived at the hospital, checked in, and were escorted to our pre-op room. It was so much calmer!

The nurse got my vitals and walked me down to a nearby bathroom so I could change into the hospital gown. On the way, we passed by a mom and dad taking a walk around the labor and delivery floor with their brand new baby in the bassinet. I saw the baby’s pink hat and my eyes welled up. The nurse noticed this and asked if I was having a girl and I told her that we didn’t know, but seeing that little pink hat made me realize I might soon have a little girl and something about that made me so emotional!

Another thing that struck me during that hallway walk was just how much I was about to go through, all for the sake of safely delivering my baby. I knew a VBAC could have been a potential option but Justin and I had discussed with my OBGYN the specific risks for me personally based on how LJ’s labor went. Together, we made the decision that a second c-section was the best option for me and baby. That being said, I was still admittedly very nervous. I was about to have a pretty major abdominal surgery. Half of my body would be numbed. My muscles, nerves, uterus would all be cut open. And because I had already experienced it once, I knew what to expect in terms of soreness and recovery. It was more than a little daunting! As I was walking, I very clearly had this thought: “I am BRAVE.” Even though I was nervous, I knew how much I already loved my baby and how badly I wanted him or her to arrive in my arms safely. Yes, I was a little scared of another surgery but even knowing that, I was going to DO. IT. ANYWAY. It’s hard to describe how a feeling of empowerment overwhelmed me in that moment. This was the strength of my love as a mother. This was the courage brought by how fiercely I loved my baby. This was the resiliency of my mind and body for all I was willing to do to meet him or her. I knew I could do it.

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Right at 1:00, it was time for surgery. I was taken into the room to get my epidural and once I was positioned, they let Justin into the room.

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Again, I was struck by how different this surgery was from LJ’s – after 25 hours and 2 sleepless nights, Justin and I were both emotionally and physically exhausted during LJ’s c-section. This time, we were alert and prepared. We chatted with the nurses. Everyone in the room took a final guess on gender. I heard the nurse who walked me down the hallway say “I hope it’s a girl because of how you teared up seeing that other baby!” The c-section began and Justin and I held hands and eagerly anticipated baby’s arrival.

I didn’t have any desire to have them drop the sheet, so Justin kept me updated with what was happening. Soon, baby’s head was out. Justin stood up to get a better view, the doctor lifted up the baby, and Justin exclaimed “It’s a girl!”

And this was my reaction.

Awestruck. Overcome. SHE was here!

She quickly got cleaned off and then Justin brought her over to me for skin to skin contact while the doctor worked on closing me up. There were a lot of cords in the way, but those first sweet baby snuggles were just the best!

After the surgery was finished, I was taken to the recovery room and got to breastfeed for the first time. Everything went much smoother than I had anticipated. Even when the nurse had to press on my stomach to make sure my uterus was shrinking back down, it wasn’t as painful as I remembered from my first surgery. The whole thing was a really positive experience!

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And just when I thought things couldn’t get any sweeter, we were taken to my room and LJ came to meet her. Oh my heart.

Welcome to our family my sweet baby girl. We’re so very thankful that you are here. ❤

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BABY WEEK is here!

It’s finally BABY WEEK! Whoop whoop!

Tomorrow I will be 39 weeks and my repeat c-section is scheduled for Friday, so we are very very very close to meeting this little one! I’ve been cleaning the house, stockpiling groceries, making freezer meals, and just finishing up a few little things. It’s crazy to think in just a few short days we’ll be a family of four!

Special thanks to Natalie Joy Photography for some absolutely dreamy maternity pictures!

I wanted to do one last pregnancy update before baby comes (and this will be the only blog post this week because I’ll be busy with other preparations). If you’re interested in reading back through the previous updates, I did one for first trimester, 20 weeks, and third trimester.

Symptoms/How I’ve Been Feeling

All things considered, I’ve been feeling really good. I had a little bit of a cold a few weeks ago and stuffiness + sneezing while pregnant definitely isn’t fun but if that’s the worst I have to deal with, I’ll take it. I’ve been loving my BaoBei support band (pictured below) this pregnancy – it’s like a sports bra for your belly and really helps alleviate many of the aches and pains surrounding a growing belly.

I have been having some weird shooting pain that comes and goes in my upper legs/groin area and I think it’s due to how I’ve been carrying LJ and walking, plus the way my pelvis is shifting. Stretching a lot has helped with this but it’s been a literal pain to deal with and I’ll be glad when it’s not an issue anymore! Other than that, I really can’t complain. I’ve been feeling good and I just love this stage of a big ol’ pregnant belly poppin’ out. 🙂

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Energy/Workouts

I have continued to keep up with the Expecting and Empowered at-home workouts consistently. I’ve mentioned before that the co-founders do frequent 10-week accountability challenges and we’re currently in week 8/10 of a challenge. This has really helped me stay on track and make sure to get the strength training AND cardio in each week.

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Justin and I did make the decision to drop our YMCA membership because we just weren’t using it enough so I’m no longer attending cycling classes there but I have been keeping up with long stroller walks with a friend and we do have a treadmill at home so I’ve stayed active. I only track my weight gain at OB appointments, and I’m staying about 7-8 lbs lower than I was with LJ’s pregnancy, which I credit to all this activity!

Food Cravings & Aversions

Still no food aversions but lately I’ve been craving ALL THE SWEETS. Seriously, my sweet tooth is out of control! My latest discovery is a new ice cream: Blue Bell Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie Dough. Oh sweet goodness, that stuff is dangerously delicious.

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I’m still needing to eat something small every 2-3 hours and I particularly love keeping things like string cheese or protein bites on hand for little snacks throughout the day.

Sleep

Ahh sleep. How I miss you. This baby is very nocturnal and loves to party hard starting at like 9 pm and go all night. Needless to say, it makes getting a restful night of sleep difficult, especially now that baby is so big. I’m tossing and turning, waking up multiple times a night to get comfortable, and just not really getting much restful sleep. Up until about 36/37 weeks, I wasn’t needing to get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but in the last week or two I’ve needed to at least once a night, which also interrupts my sleep.

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Because nights aren’t restful and baby is less active during the day, I’ve really been trying to nap or at least rest when I can. LJ is thankfully back on track with taking a 2-3 hour nap each day so I’m able to get a few things done and then rest a bit which is a nice way to recharge a bit during the day.

What I’m Looking Forward To

Sweet baby snuggles. Little baby coos. That indescribable newborn smell. Seeing LJ as a big brother. Finding out if baby is a boy or girl and calling him or her by name. Even just writing all these things makes my heart feel like bursting – I am just so looking forward to meeting this person whom I’ll love for the rest of my life!

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Boy/Girl Predictions

I had a dream where essentially at one point, baby was a girl and at another point, baby was a boy. All within the same dream! So I’m still very much in the dark with no gut feeling or intuition. Most people have guessed girl based on how I’m carrying or whatever wive’s tales they subscribe to, so we’ll see!

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LJ’s Awareness

Little man is blissfully unaware of how his life is about to change. He still points to my belly when we ask where the baby is, gives my belly kisses, and likes to lift my shirt and support band and actually rest on my belly skin when we talk about the baby. It’s so sweet! We recently set up the pack and play downstairs and talk about how it’s “for the baby” so he’s getting used to that. I also ordered him a boy and girl baby doll and we’ll give him whatever gender his sibling is on Friday so he’ll have a baby of his own. I’m a little nervous about how the transition will go for him but luckily we’ll have lots of family around to help the first few weeks so he’ll still get lots of individual love and attention.

Misc Stories

I had a case of major pregnancy brain and totally skipped an OB appointment two weeks ago. I never miss appointments and this was especially bad because I am at the point in pregnancy where I’m going every single week on the same day at the same time. AND I had just been texting a friend earlier that morning about how she had a mom brain moment and totally forgot her son’s pediatrician appointment. Despite all these helpful things, I still totally forgot about my own appointment. I was so embarrassed!

I had a recent burst of nesting energy and convinced Justin it was the right time to paint both the nursery and LJ’s bedroom. You can see our sweet little nursery update here. I know that baby won’t actually be using the nursery for a few months, but just having it done made me feel so much more prepared and ready for baby!

I love that I’m close enough to birth that when people ask when I’m due, they get freaked out. Last night I was in Costco to get a new cell phone and the worker asked when I’m due – when I replied “Friday” he got a slightly panicked look on his face like I was going to go into labor on the spot and said “OH! Wow!” Ha!

Pretty much every random stranger who comments on my belly thinks it’s a girl. We’ll know if they’re right in FOUR. DAYS.

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Thanks for following along with me on this pregnancy journey! Crazy to think that my next blog post will be introducing you to my baby! All thoughts and prayers appreciated for a smooth delivery on Friday. ❤

Baby #2 Hospital Bag

Friends, tomorrow we will hit a big milestone.

37 weeks. In the world of pregnancy, this is a big deal because it means baby is considered full-term.

FULL. TERM. We’ve made it! Honestly, I am both super excited and a little bemused – like how are we here already? But also…I feel like I’ve been pregnant a loooooong time. Ha!

Even though I do have a repeat c-section scheduled, I went into labor early with LJ so I’m mentally preparing just in case this baby decides to surprise us early too. Yesterday, my new diaper bag arrived in the mail and it was just the kick start I needed to start to physically prepare for delivery by organizing and packing up things for mine and baby’s hospital bags. Today I thought I’d share what I packed this go-around (with LJ I packed WAY too much – typical first time mom, right?) This is just a list of what works well for us and our needs; it might not be exactly right for you, especially depending on what your hospital provides, but I hope it’s still helpful for anyone else who may need to be prepping for labor soon!

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Baby’s Hospital Bag

I have blogged many times about my diaper bag and while I loved it, I knew that I needed to get a new one for life with two kids. For one thing, my old one has been used so much over the past 21 months that the front zipper pocket is completely broken which renders the pocket pretty much useless. For another, with two kids to pack stuff for, I wanted something with just a few more interior pockets. After what felt like endless research, I settled on this backpack style bag and so far, I’m loving it!

For baby’s hospital stay, I am packing the following items:

-Halo Sleep Sack (we loved this for sleep with LJ and used it exclusively until he could roll over)

-Swaddle Me velcro swaddle (another option for baby’s sleep, a little less fabric than the sleep sack for a cozy sleep)

-Two burp cloths

-One long sleeved onesie (the same one LJ wore in the hospital – I can’t wait to see this baby in it!)

-One plain short-sleeved onesie

-Two pairs of leggings

-Two sleepers

-Two pairs of socks

-Aden + Anais muslin blanket

-Flannel blanket

-Beautycounter balm (the hospital does provide ointment if needed for diaper rash, circumcision healing, etc. but I prefer to take this stuff along)

-A blue striped hat + a few headbands (can’t wait to find out which ones we get to use!)

And that’s it! Honestly, I still feel like this is probably too many clothing options, but since I will probably be in the hospital 3-4 days, I wanted a few choices. Everything is gender-neutral because we didn’t find out gender with LJ and we don’t know with this baby, which actually makes it pretty easy to pack because it’s the same stuff as before! Our hospital provides diapers, wipes, stuff for bathing, etc. so we didn’t bother to pack any of that this time around.

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And it all fits perfectly in the new diaper bag!

Mommy’s Hospital Bag

Clothing

For my bag, I packed the following items this time around:

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-Black flip flops (I like these for the shower/bathroom)

-Postpartum Support Leggings (an old pair I got off Amazon and wore with LJ and a new pair from Bao Bei that I am very excited to use!)

-Postpartum bloomers (the hospital provides pads + mesh panties, which I will also use, but I’m excited to have something along that also gives extra support)

-My cozy robe

-Fuzzy socks! I hate having cold feet.

-“Slipper” socks. Someone gifted me this dark gray pair of fuzzy slipper socks when I was pregnant with LJ and it was my favorite thing at the hospital. They are easy to put on and off and they have grips on the bottom so I didn’t slip around at all. I kept them by my bed and wore them walking around my room and hallway, they kept my feet warm and felt like a treat, and they got popped in the laundry as soon as I got home. Loved these!

-A cozy gray cardigan

-Loose fitting black pants (alternative to compression leggings when I need a looser fit)

-Four nursing tank tops (mostly from H&M)

-Two nursing sports bras (I love these from Motherhood Maternity)

Toiletries

The hospital does provide basic toiletries, but I feel much more like myself if I bring along my own things so this is what I prefer to do. Basically, I pack like I would to go on any trip (my shampoo + conditioner, Wet brush, extra hair ties, my morning and evening skincare products, toothbrush, contact stuff, deodorant, dry shampoo, and my basic daily makeup) but I do have a few specific additions. I make sure to take along a small handheld mirror so I can do my makeup from bed, nipple balm (because those first few days of nursing – ouch!), and washable nursing pads.

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I have a large travel toiletry bag that all this fits in and for the next 17 days all my stuff will be in it on my bathroom counter. This way, I can still have access to use it every day but it’ll be ready to grab and throw in the suitcase quick if baby decides to come early.

A few extras

I will also take along my trusty Boppy breastfeeding pillow (this was SO helpful to have in the hospital with LJ!) and my cell phone + charger. Justin and I share a suitcase for stuff and my half is now packed. He is on his own to make sure his stuff gets packed in time. 😉

What are your hospital bag musts? Even though I’ve done this before, it’s been 21 months, so if I’m forgetting anything crucial, please share below!

Third Trimester Update

Good morning!

It’s been about 11 weeks since my last pregnancy post so I figured it was time to give a little update. This pregnancy is just flying right along! I am currently 31 weeks pregnant and solidly in the third trimester. If you’re curious about how the first trimester went, you can check out my blog post about it here. I also blogged a “halfway there” 20-week update which you can find here.

Symptoms/How I’ve Been Feeling

I am thrilled to say that I’ve been feeling pretty good up until this point in pregnancy. My whole second trimester was pretty dreamy – I had tons of energy and felt great! We went on a babymoon a few weeks ago and it was honestly the perfect time in pregnancy to go. Our travels went really well and I was feeling really good so the whole vacation was enjoyable. I definitely feel that third trimester slowdown now. I’m having to listen to my body more and take things a little big easier, and I’m definitely feeling much more tired by the end (or, let’s be honest, the middle) of each day.

Energy/Workouts

One thing I have really loved doing this pregnancy are the Expecting and Empowered at-home workouts. The co-founders do 10-week accountability challenges somewhat regularly and this really helped me stay on track with my workouts. I think this is a BIG reason why I feel so good. I haven’t gained as much weight with this pregnancy and I think these workouts do help me stay fit and strong. I’ve also been trying to keep up with my weekly YMCA cycling classes, although due to our vacation, my grandmother’s funeral, my sister’s wedding, and the fact that the timing of the class is pretty inconvenient for LJ’s current schedule, it’s been harder to consistently make it there.

Food Cravings & Aversions

I’m SO incredibly thankful that this pregnancy is kinder to me than LJ’s was with regards to food. With LJ, I couldn’t drink milk or eat dairy products without feeling sick and I developed some pretty strong food aversions to things like cooked vegetables. This time around, I don’t have any aversions and I don’t get sick from dairy. Hallelujah!

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My appetite is still growing and I find myself needing a snack or small meal every 2-3 hours, so I’m trying to keep lots of healthy-ish options around (although, if I’m being honest, I’m craving all the sweet and salty things!)

Sleep

Sleep is becoming a difficult thing, and that’s been hard for me because I’m someone who has never been able to function well on reduced sleep. I’m having a hard time getting comfortable at night and I frequently wake up tossing and turning. Our bedroom also doesn’t have a ceiling fan (YET…it’s #1 on my list of small home improvements to tackle!) and even though the temperature of the house is the same as it was before, I’m getting so HOT at night. Last night Justin brought a fan up for me and I tried a new configuration of pillows and I actually slept SO much better so I’m hoping that I’ve found the magic formula and my sleep improves a bit from here on out!

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I’ve also been trying to listen to my body if it needs a nap. It’s hard for me to take a break mid-day because LJ’s nap schedule has been inconvenient lately so when I finally do get him down, I want to tackle my to-do list. I’ve had to remind myself that growing a human is the biggest thing on my to-do list right now and if I’m feeling tired and worn down, I need to listen to my body and rest! The other day Justin was home and I was able to take a nice long nap to recharge and it was heavenly and made the rest of my day go much smoother. I’m going to try to make sleep and rest a top priority for the remaining weeks.

What I’m Looking Forward To

Justin has been able to feel baby kicks and we’re getting SO excited to meet this little one! I’m looking forward to getting a few things around for the nursery. By this point in pregnancy with LJ I was mostly done with his nursery, but with this baby, I haven’t done a single thing. Second child problems, right? I plan to have baby sleep in a bassinet next to our bed like LJ did for the first 6-8 weeks so a nursery isn’t urgent, but it does help build anticipation and help me feel a little more prepared.

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Boy/Girl Predictions

A friend of mine swore the Chinese gender prediction chart was accurate with all four of her pregnancies, so we looked it up and the chart told us we’re having a boy. Who knows! I still have no gut feeling or mama sense, so it will be a genuine surprise either way.

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LJ’s Awareness

LJ still pats my belly when we ask “where’s the baby?” and he’s started GIVING IT KISSES. Oh my heart. It is just the sweetest thing. I’m so so SO excited to see him in the role of big brother. My in-laws came to town this past weekend and brought a little book about a kid getting a new sibling so we’ve been looking through it with LJ. I still think he has zero awareness of what any of this actually means, but it’s just so sweet to spend some time prepping him as much as we can.

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As for the fur babies, they definitely have no idea what’s about to happen. But if their love of LJ is any indicator (they mostly love that he drops food, hence Macie waiting patiently for a sample of donut above ha!) then they will be awesome siblings to this baby too!

Misc Stories

Baby has a (most likely) birthday! My labor with LJ did not go as planned, and long story short, after laboring 25 hours with incredibly slow progression, I still hadn’t quite progressed to 10 cm dilation. I essentially got “stuck” at 9 cm for 5 hours and baby’s heart rate was starting to be concerning. Ultimately, Justin and I along with our doctor agreed that a c-section was the safest way to get him out. My doctor is not opposed to me trying a VBAC, which I initially very strongly wanted. The more we discussed the pros and cons, it became clear that because of the way my body progressed last time, I’m not exactly a stellar candidate for a successful VBAC. We made the decision as a team to schedule a c-section, but if I go into labor before then, we will let things progress first and see how labor goes before jumping right to a c-section. While a VBAC is still possible, I am mentally preparing for another c-section. So, unless baby has other plans to join us earlier, we will meet our little one on August 23! Having an official date in mind makes it seem so soon! Just over 8 weeks left – ahhh!!!!!!!!!

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Oh and also…passed my glucose test! Thankful for that nasty drink to be over! 😉

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I plan to do one final pregnancy recap before baby makes his or her debut – stay tuned!

Bahamian Babymoon

Remember when I posted about how chaotic my May was going to be? And when I said I planned to drop down to just one blog post a week? And then I basically disappeared off the blog for the last two weeks of May? Oops. Sorry about that.

After moving, we didn’t have internet set up in our house right away and we only had one week to move in and get settled before packing up again and leaving for our babymoon so…life happened. Now that May is behind us it should be back to regularly scheduled (Tuesday/Thursday) programming around here!

Babymoon at Secrets Emerald Bay

Justin and I honeymooned at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica and absolutely loved it. Ever since coming back from that trip, we’ve dreamed of taking another one. We always had summer 2019 in the back of our minds as a potential time to do it as a combo celebration (Justin finishes up seven years of schooling and career training at the end of June!) and anniversary trip (we celebrate 6 years on June 22). It felt meant to be when we found out we were pregnant – now it could also be a babymoon!

My pregnancy actually made narrowing down dates + location very easy. We picked the Bahamas because it was the only tropical location that did not have a Zika warning at the time we booked and we chose late May because it worked for Justin’s work schedule, my parents’ schedules (since they’re watching LJ) and I was still in my second trimester, or as I like to call it, the pregnancy “sweet spot.” There were actually two all-inclusives we considered in the Bahamas and after looking at both options, we settled on Sandals Emerald Bay on Great Exuma.

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We were so happy with our choice! We had great service, excellent food (they had 11 different restaurants with different kinds of cuisines – all were delicious but my favorite meals were at the Parisian and Indian restaurants), and amazing weather. Most of our days were spent lounging poolside but we did sign up for one excursion, a 30-minute snorkeling trip in a coral reef which was a lot of fun, although we did not take any pictures so you’ll just have to take my word for it. 😉

Instead of a day-by-day recap, I’m going to share a smattering of pictures from our trip. Enjoy!

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Fresh off the plane. We couldn’t check into our room right away because we arrived before check-in but the resort allowed us to drop off our bags and get some food. I had the first of many virgin daiquiris – so yummy!

The beachside restaurant was a fun experience – eating delicious food while your toes are sunk in the sand just says paradise.

Most mornings we got breakfast at one of the restaurants but the first morning we were extra lazy and ordered room service to eat on our little patio balcony overlooking the ocean.

The views around the resort were just ❤ ❤ ❤

The cabanas were nearly impossible to snag but one morning we lucked out and got one! It was the perfect opportunity to get a little less sun (so we could stay longer). I also loved ordering the little wood fired pizzas for a yummy poolside lunch!

I kept up my Expecting and Empowered workouts through vacation (since the program comes as a download, I had it on my phone!) which made me feel 0% guilt about indulging in things like the resort’s Chocolate Night.

One of the best things about all-inclusive is you can sample lots of food! Justin loves sushi and I don’t, so he could binge on sushi while I snacked on edamame and vegetable spring rolls, then we headed to the pub for more food later. Best of both worlds!

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Every night they had fires going by the pool, which was a relaxing way to unwind after dinner.

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That feeling you get when you’re finished with an hour-long prenatal massage. 🙂

SO much lounging + reading. I brought several books and Justin ended up reading one of them as well on vacation (I’m hoping to rope him into contributing to my book review – we’ll see!)

While most of our days were spent by the pool, we did venture down to the beach a few times. It was heavenly – beautiful sand and clear, warm water!

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This picture cracks me up. I thought it would be a sweet, romantic shot I think? Like “oh, let’s ask this passerby to snap a pic of us holding hands on the swings! It’ll be so sweet!” Guys, LOOK how far away the swings are from one another! We were both fully outstretched and the swings are different heights, so it just looks hilariously awkward. Oh well!

Lots and lots of bump pictures were taken this week. I loved having so much focused time with Justin while still getting to feel sweet little baby kicks as our littlest one joined us. ❤

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On the way to dinner one night we stopped and asked a worker passing by if she would take a picture. She took the phone and proceeded to hold it at a crazy angle to take the picture. We could not stop laughing at this shot of us super far away and weirdly angled. I guess she wanted to take some creative liberties?

One of the best meals we had all week was at the French restaurant. From the appetizers to the dessert, everything was absolutely delicious and the food presentation was amazing! SO so yummy!

There was a golf course at the resort and one morning we decided to walk the back nine holes after breakfast. It was about a 2.5 mile walk – the course follows a peninsula and the views were just GORGEOUS! We were amazed by the houses on the course too; the one pictured above had stunning views of the ocean, a sand volleyball court, an infinity pool, and a lazy river! The course wasn’t very shaded and it got hot FAST so I was thankful we brought water although I did wish we had gone even earlier in the day.

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One night after dinner, Justin decided he was still hungry so we went back to the sushi restaurant and he ordered a ton of sushi for “dessert” (I happily munched on a little edamame). His sushi-loving heart was so happy ha!

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I think there was only ONE day that we didn’t get to the pool because we were doing other things, but for the most part we spent a ton of time there every day. It was so nice to just relax without a care in the world and lounge/read/swim/repeat.

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The sunrise on our last morning was one for the books! I enjoyed watching it from our balcony as I read and worked on some upcoming blog posts.

One last stroll on the beach before checking out on the last day. We were so thankful for such a rejuvenating week!

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Farewell, Bahamas!

My Mom Uniform

Good morning!

Today I’m once again joining Erika & Shay‘s monthly Let’s Look link-up (which will actually be tomorrow, I’m just posting a day early) and this month’s topic is your favorite “outfit of the day” or OOTD.

If you’ve been around for a long time, like 5 years ago before my blog’s hiatus, you know that this space started out as a place to share lots of teacher outfits. My Instagram used to be exclusively dedicated to sharing my teacher ootd and I would share simple, everyday looks that were professional, comfortable, and affordable. The outfits are all still saved under my closet archives but here’s a little sampling of what my professional wardrobe used to be:

I loved mix-and-matching basic pieces in different ways – I loved little details like a fun ruffle, statement jewelry, or unique shoes and I enjoyed finding fun ways to layer. I still enjoy dressing up like this if I have the occasion to!

Now that I am no longer teaching and stay at home with LJ all day, it would be super easy to live in sweatpants, but I still try to get dressed every day. I don’t mean get dressed up, I mean just get dressed in anything other than the same old sweats. It is literally JUST as easy to throw on a basic striped shirt as it is to throw on a sweatshirt, and it may seem silly but it affects my overall confidence and happiness. I’m way happier bumping into a friend in the grocery store if I’m wearing a “real” shirt. I’m way more confident kissing my husband when he comes home if I’m not in the same sweatpants I was wearing when he left for work in the morning. When I feel like I look even just a little bit put together, I feel better about myself and a happier, more confident Sarah is honestly a happier, more confident wife and mom.

All that being said, I don’t have the same about of time to piece together a daily outfit like I did when I was teaching and even if I did, there’s no real reason to go to that level of thought and effort. My days usually include pushing a stroller on a walk or running around my backyard or reading books on the floor so the heels have taken a leave of absence. Plus, many days I end up with yogurt on my pants or have a strawberry thrown at my shirt (thanks LJ) so I stick with basic, easy to clean clothes. I have a “mom uniform” of sorts that goes something like this: easy top in a classic pattern (stripes, plaid, etc), one piece of simple or statement jewelry, skinny jeans, and flats. It maybe takes an extra two minutes to pull these items from my closet instead of reaching for sweats, but the minimal amount of extra effort makes a huge difference.

All of those outfits were super easy to thrown on, and I felt so much happier and more confident heading out the door. And they are all still comfortable and easy to “mom” in!

Now do I also take the time to do full-on hair and make-up everyday? Heck no. I’m often in a messy bun with maybe a few swipes of bronzer and mascara. And of course there are days where LJ and I are in jammies and sweats all day long. But I really do try to put at least a little effort into getting dressed more often than not.

I also want to address that now that I’m pregnant, my wardrobe is reduced and comfort is the name of the game, but I still try to look put together. I’m rocking a comfy, simple top, skinny jeans, and my Converse most days.

Also, since it’s approaching summer, we’re outside playing a lot now so I’m often wearing some form of athleisure.

My favorite OOTD is one that is comfy, cute, and requires minimal thought and effort while still staying a step or two above my ratty college sweatshirt. By keeping a simple “mom uniform” in mind, it’s easy for me to feel put together every day.

What’s your standby, go-to outfit that makes you feel put together and confident?

20 Week Baby Update!

Yesterday we hit the 20 week milestone and I was singing Bon Jovi pretty much all day long (“oooooooooooh halfway there….”). This pregnancy seems to be going so much faster than LJ’s and I think it is because I’m now busy spending my days chasing around after a toddler. I’ll take it though – I can’t wait to meet this baby!

20 weeks seemed like a good time to have another blog post with a few updates on how the pregnancy is going. If you’re curious about how the first trimester went, you can check out my blog post about it here.

Symptoms/How I’ve Been Feeling

I always say this part is the “sweet spot” of pregnancy. My nausea is finally gone (it lasted until about 15 weeks) and my fatigue has diminished. I feel great, I have energy, and I don’t feel like puking all the time, but I’m not swollen and uncomfortable yet. Sweet spot!

Baby4

Energy/Workouts

The second trimester brings an energy boost for me, and I’ve been taking full advantage. I’ve recovered from my knee injury from several weeks ago so I’m back to my normal level of functioning and I’m back at it with regular Expecting and Empowered at-home workouts. I also attend a weekly cycling class at the local YMCA which is a great cardio boost.

Baby5

We’ve also been experiencing nice weather lately and LJ and I have spent a lot of time playing outside or going for long walks, so I feel like I’m incorporating a lot of movement into my days. Exercise gives me more energy and it’s a great cycle to get into: I have more energy in the second trimester, so I’m moving/exercising more, which gives me even more energy, etc. It’s a big reason why I’m feeling great these days!

Food Cravings & Aversions

I haven’t had many aversions this time around and there is no one food that I’m not able to handle right now. I do crave sweet and salty things and I’ve worked to curb some of my sugary cravings. I definitely don’t deprive myself, but I’m trying to be conscious of making the “better” choice. For example, if I’m craving a little something sweet, I might drink a glass of Naked fruit juice instead of eating a piece of chocolate.

I also find myself to be hungry quite often so snacks are key for me! I honestly start to feel pretty awful if I go more than 2 hours without a little something. I keep things like string cheese, clementines, Rx nut butter packs, etc. on hand at home and make sure to always have a granola bar in the diaper bag when I leave the house. It helps tremendously!

Baby2

Sleep

I have really been trying to get lots of sleep at night, but I do have difficulty getting comfortable. My trusty Snoogle helps a lot but there are still nights where I toss and turn, and I’m getting to the point where I often wake up and need to go to the bathroom. Sigh. Overall, I feel like most nights I get a good amount of sleep and I wake up feeling refreshed.

What I’m Looking Forward To

I can feel tiny little baby kicks now and it’s just the sweetest thing, but I’m looking forward to when Justin can feel them too!

Baby1

Boy/Girl Predictions

If I *had* to make a guess, I would guess another boy, but that’s mostly just because I don’t have any marked differences between this pregnancy and when I was pregnant with LJ. I went to my 20 week anatomy ultrasound on Tuesday and the tech did a great job of not revealing anything so I remain clueless with the gender. I am so excited for either possibility and I can’t wait to meet this little boy or girl in a few more months!

LJ’s Awareness

Oh my gosh. So Justin and I have been working with LJ on body parts (where’s your nose, where’s your feet, etc) and we started asking LJ “where’s the baby?” and he will now pat my stomach to show where the baby is. It is the cutest thing and it makes me want to ask him where the baby is all the time. Now, does he actually get what that means? No. Does it still melt my mama heart every time? Sure does!

Baby3

Misc Stories

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned her on my blog before, but I really enjoy following @ameskiefer. She’s a fellow blogger, mama and co-founder of my workout regimen Expecting and Empowered and bonus, she is also currently pregnant. She has a very motivational and down-to-earth platform and I especially love her Instagram. So one thing she talks about frequently is how she never weighs herself during pregnancy except for at OB appointments and instead focuses on what she eats, her exercise, sleep, how she feels, etc to gauge her health. I love this and have adopted this mentality this pregnancy and it has been incredibly freeing. Weight gain is just one aspect of pregnancy and while you don’t want to just go crazy (you’re not really eating for two, you’re eating for one adult and one very tiny human), it’s not worth obsessing over the number on a scale. I gained way more than I expected with LJ, but I had a healthy pregnancy, he had a healthy birth weight, and I was back to my pre-pregnancy size in less than six months. There was no need for me to freak out just because my goal was to gain 25 pounds and I gained 45. So this time around, I’ve decided not to keep track of it and I don’t even really look at OB appointments. I feel so much better just focusing on eating, sleeping, and exercising and as long as my OB-GYN is happy, I’m happy.

I feel like once I hit 20 weeks things always start to feel a little more “real” – the bump is out, I feel baby kicks, random strangers start to notice I’m pregnant. It’s fun to feel the anticipation build and I’m looking forward to the next 20 weeks!

Oh baby!

We’ve been keeping a little secret over here and I’m absolutely thrilled to finally share it!

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I am currently 14 weeks pregnant with a sweet little one who will join our crew in August!

Justin and I found out that we were expecting another baby on Christmas morning. I took a pregnancy test before our family Christmas and it was such a sweet moment for Justin and I to just celebrate and be giddy together before all the holiday festivities.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little apprehensive in the days following that positive test. As I have shared before, my first pregnancy was ectopic and resulted not only in the loss of my baby, but also my right Fallopian tube. I have an elevated risk for a repeat ectopic so my OB now has me come in right away for blood work and an early ultrasound to confirm pregnancy is in the uterus. Seeing that little bean growing in the correct place was such a relief!

Sonogram 1

While I don’t want to turn this blog into a pregnancy-focused space, I do want to spend time documenting this time in my life and I’ll periodically post updates with how things are going. Today I’m just going to recap the first trimester and all its glory. 😉

Beach Family of Four

Symptoms/How I’ve Been Feeling

I’m not going to lie, this has not been the easiest three months for me. I was hit with nausea (I don’t bother calling it morning sickness – it comes whenever the heck it wants, whether I’m out grocery shopping on a Wednesday afternoon, laying on the couch at 9:00 pm, sitting in church on Sunday morning, etc) around 5 weeks and it really didn’t ease up until this week. I had a hard time feeling hungry/working up an appetite and often settled on something bland like a plain bagel or crackers. I would say it was harder to deal with than my first pregnancy because this time I had LJ with me all day. Throwing up is no fun ever, but it’s really no fun when you had to grab a toddler and bring him into the bathroom with you. Ugh. I also experienced a lot of fatigue, which was consistent with how I felt while pregnant with LJ. Again, the difference is when I was pregnant with him, I could come home from work and nap for 3 hours if I needed to. Now I had a toddler with me all day and while I could sometimes nap when he napped, I often felt super tired.

Sonogram 2

Energy/Workouts

As I just said, I was hit with quite a bit of fatigue so my energy was pretty low for the first 8-10 weeks or so. I took advantage of laying on the couch whenever I could and LJ would bring me books to read to him or we would curl up and watch one of his little shows on TV (#noshameinmymamagame!) most days. I would sleep in until he woke up (usually around 8) and if possible I would nap when he napped. Luckily, the past two weeks I have felt a return of energy and I’ve been able to sleep less and actually get up before LJ does to get some things accomplished before he wakes. Even though my nausea stuck around longer, I’m glad my fatigue at lessened! I’m excited to finally feel more energized!

I did keep up with my workouts for the most part thanks to the Expecting and Empowered Accountability Challenge, although there was one day where my sickness was just so severe I could not get the workout finished. I also had an unfortunate incident one evening where I misstepped coming down the stairs and twisted my knee pretty seriously. I have a history of knee injuries and surgeries and I think the relaxin hormone that increases in the first trimester of pregnancy loosened up my ligaments to the point where my knee was far less stable than normal and this misstep had drastic consequences. I am still not back to 100% but I have been resting my knee and taking it easy and I am seeing improvement, though it’s meant I have had to ease up with exercise.

Food Cravings & Aversions

I wouldn’t say I have had aversions yet, although I have had some smells hit me and just immediately make me feel sick (everything from Justin’s dinner ribs to peanut butter to Cheez-It crackers; it’s very strange!). I have been craving sweet and salty things though and it’s been a struggle to focus on eating vegetables and not just crackers and chocolate.

Sleep

I am a stomach sleeper, so it’s hard to transition to other positions. When I was pregnant with LJ I transitioned to using a Snoogle sleeping pillow around 9 weeks pregnant and this time around I think I started right at 8 weeks. I love that I can wrap my body around it and *feel* like I’m sleeping on my stomach when really I’m mostly on my left side but just tilted onto the pillow. It makes a big difference for me! For the most part my sleep hasn’t really been disrupted by the pregnancy yet which is awesome.

What I’m Looking Forward To

No more nausea!!! 🙂

I feel like my bump is starting to show (more than just a food baby) and I’m excited to watch it continue to grow. While I don’t love every aspect of pregnancy, I sure do love rubbing that growing belly! I’m also excited to transition to maternity clothes. My jeans are getting pretty snug around the waist and the hairband trick just isn’t cutting it anymore. Bring on the comfy stretchy pants!

Boy/Girl Predictions

I have NO guesses. When I was pregnant with LJ I had two very realistic dreams that we were having a boy so I was pretty sure all along he’d be a boy but so far this pregnancy I haven’t had any baby dreams. I don’t have any gut feelings at this point. Justin and I didn’t find out the gender our first pregnancy and it right now we’re leaning towards not finding out again so we’ll see!

LJ’s Awareness

Little man has no idea what is going on. We took him to the ultrasound but he honestly wasn’t even looking at the image and was way more fascinated by all the machine’s buttons. He likes playing with the sonograms though!

Lj with ultrasound

Misc Stories

My original due date was calculated for September 4 (we joked we might literally celebrate Labor Day this year). We’ve had two ultrasounds now and baby was measuring ahead both times, so the OB actually changed my due date to August 28. It was pretty fun to bump up a week and anticipate meeting our little one even sooner!

When I was part of a local breastfeeding support group, there was another little boy with the exact same birthday as LJ. His mom and I were both September 1988 babies and we both got married in 2013. We joked that we were basically leading twin lives. Once I announced my pregnancy on social media, she told me she was also pregnant and her due date is three days after mine! I mean, how crazy, right?! Twin lives – ha!

And that’s a wrap on the first trimester! So so thankful for this baby and the fact that we are ⅓ of the way to meeting him or her!

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While we are so excited for this new little life, I know that for many, announcements like this are bittersweet at best and agonizing at worst. A huge part of my heart goes out to all who are enduring the pain and struggles of pregnancy loss or infertility. I have felt the feelings of injustice to be denied what I most wanted, the ache of empty arms who long for a baby to hold, and the sting of another person’s happy announcement reminding me of what I had lost. It is a pain that no one should have to endure and my heart breaks for all who experience it. If you are struggling with infertility or loss of a baby, I know there’s nothing I can really do or say to take away the grief and ache of longing, but I want you to know I acknowledge you and am sending you love and holding you tight in my prayers. I hope that our journey gives you hope that your story isn’t finished.

Remembering My First Baby

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day, and is part of October’s Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a loss – this is my story.

October 14, 2016 started as a day just like any other except for the fact that Justin and I were keeping a big secret – I was eight weeks pregnant!

Baby #1 Pregnancy Test

My first official ultrasound was not scheduled until ten weeks, but I had no risk factors or symptoms to indicate things were going any other way than perfectly. Justin and I were over the moon and could not wait to share our news with the world.

Baby #1 - 5 weeks — My first “bump” tracking picture @ 5 weeks

This particular day was a Friday. I had just finished eating lunch in my classroom and headed to the copy room make a few quick copies before my next class. As I was walking down the hall, I realized I felt sick. VERY sick. I immediately changed course and headed for the bathroom.

From there, things quickly spiraled downhill. I didn’t just have a little pregnancy nausea; I experienced an extremely violent sickness. I will spare you the details but suffice to say it was worse than any other illness I’ve ever had. By the time Justin got off work, I was also experiencing searing side pain. He immediately rushed me to the ER where an ultrasound confirmed terrifying news: my pregnancy was not going as perfectly as we had thought and our baby was not growing in my uterus but actually within my right fallopian tube – a condition known as an ectopic pregnancy. To make matters even worse, my tube had ruptured and was causing a very serious amount of internal bleeding that was life-threatening to me. I was immediately taken into surgery to remove the pregnancy and stop the bleeding.

October 14, 2016 marks the day we lost our first baby. It was, quite honestly, the absolute worst day of my life.

Waking up from surgery was like waking up in a nightmare. I was devastated by our loss and also in a tremendous amount of physical pain. I had to undergo four blood transfusions due to the significant blood loss from the rupture. I couldn’t even sit up without passing out. And perhaps worst of all, I was in so much pain that I couldn’t even cough without having to brace my abdomen with a pillow, let alone do what I really wanted: scream, howl, and ferociously ugly cry to mourn the loss of my sweet little baby.

The days and weeks following my surgery were full of sorrow and recovery. I took ten days off work and spent my time lying on the couch with my dogs snuggled up beside me, my eyes puffy and red from constant crying. I wouldn’t wish the pain and sadness of those dark days on my very worst enemy. My long, slow journey of healing had only just begun.

Baby #1 - hospital bed — The first small step towards healing came when I woke from a nap and realized Justin was sleeping next to me in the hospital bed, holding my hand. The road to healing would be long and difficult but in this moment I was so thankful that we had each other to lean on.

It is hard to describe the roller coaster of emotions that come with the loss of a pregnancy. One moment you can be numbly watching Netflix on the couch and in the next moment you’re screaming and crying into a pillow over how unfair life is. You might see a pregnancy or birth announcement on social media and try to conjure up happiness for the other person but you really just want to smash your phone into a thousand little pieces because you desperately want to be able to make that announcement too. You finally get up the energy to leave the house for a much-needed date or outing with your husband and you enjoy yourself, only to post a picture and then feel like a fraud because your marriage looks perfectly together online when in reality you’re both just trying to deal with your grief and make it through one day without breaking down in tears over the “what could have beens” for your family. You aren’t sure if you will ever really feel like yourself again and wonder if this cycle of anguish and heartache is just your new normal.

Then finally…finally…you have a day where you are truly okay. And then another day when you’re okay. And then another. And suddenly, you’re just okay. Until you’re not. And then you have a hard, hard day where grief encompasses you all over again. But this time, it’s a little easier than your last hard day. You get back to being okay a little bit quicker. And the long cycle of healing continues.

Justin and I are so grateful that we were able to get pregnant again (a miraculous story for another time) and did not take a single moment of my second pregnancy for granted. We welcomed LJ into our lives with so much joy and tears of happiness and gratitude. We are so in love with him and so SO thankful to be his parents. But this doesn’t erase 100% of the grief from our first loss. Two years later, reliving it all by writing this blog post has brought me to tears several times. When I was pregnant with LJ, I cried during the Mother’s Day church service and again on our baby’s due date (May 25, 2017). I still trace the tiny scar on my belly from my emergency surgery – my only physical reminder of the life I carried for eight weeks. And I still hesitate whenever a curious stranger making small talk asks me if LJ is my first because the truth is, LJ may be my firstborn but he is not my first baby (but it’s way too heavy and complicated to explain to a stranger making small talk that my first baby is actually waiting for me in the arms of Jesus so I just smile and say “yes” and walk away with a twinge of sadness in my heart).

Pregnancy loss is an ongoing journey. It’s messy and hard and multi-faceted. If you are struggling with the loss of a pregnancy or infant, know that you have been in my thoughts many, many times over the past two years, even if I don’t know your name of your story. I am praying for you and sending you so much love. You are not alone.